


Not Exactly AFV

by cauldronofdoom



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-19
Updated: 2012-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-16 15:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cauldronofdoom/pseuds/cauldronofdoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve and Thor find videos of Tony's childhood, they don't even know what they've discovered. The results shed some light on a few unsurprising truths about their teammate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Exactly AFV

**Author's Note:**

> Another lost avengerkink prompt. If you know the original, can you let me know? I'd like to link this there.

Clint wandered into the living room after following the sounds of cussing from the kitchen. Someone swearing in the tower wasn’t unusual, but it was almost always either Tony or him. These voices belonged to Steve and Thor, which meant it concerned him as only invading aliens, giant killer robot rabbits, or technology caused them to do this. All of those meant there was a good chance the x-box would be destroyed, and Clint had only just finished unlocking and acing all of the Rock Band songs again after the last time Loki blew up the living room.

He entered to find the least destructive of his fears: Steve was behind the TV fiddling with wires while Thor hovered and tried to help. JARVIS was giving instructions, but he was used to describing things in ways Tony would understand, and neither of the blondes understood the technical terms he was using.

“What’s up?” Clint asked, causing Steve to startle and whack his head on the shelf above. He sniggered as his leader rubbed his head and glared. Clint knew bashing either your head or knuckles was practically required when messing around with TV cords, but Steve’s wounded look said he wasn’t familiar with that ritual blood sacrifice to the techno-gods.

“Ah, Clint! We are in need of assistance. We were looking through the boxes in storage for Tony’s old Captain America collection. He assured us that his father had a complete set of Captain America trading cards that valiant Coul-son,” Thor glanced at Steve to insure he’d pronounced the name right this time, getting a nod, “Could have as a…” His brows drew together, and Clint could tell he was trying to remember exact words, “’Congratulations-on-being-the-first-real-government-zombie’ gift.” His mimicry of Tony’s voice was near perfect, and Clint couldn’t help laughing at it. Apparently ‘there’s nothing we can do, sir’ is subjective to just how much the sir values the declared dead person in question, and Fury’s, well, fury was enough to convince the EMT’s to keep trying to save Coulson long past anything they could reasonably have been expected to do. 

Surprisingly enough, it had worked. Rumour had it that both Fury and Hill had cried upon receiving the news, though no one was foolhardy enough to try and confirm. 

Steve nodded, blushing lightly. He still hadn’t gotten over the fact that there were trading cards of him made years after WWII was done. “He said there should also be a comic collection that we could bring over so he’d have something to read while he’s recuperating. You know Fury’s banned him from anything work related, and comic books are easier to read than real books with only one hand working well.” The muscles severed by Loki’s attack were apparently healing well, but it would be months before their favourite suit would be up to kicking mugger ass in various corner stores. “Anyway, we found a collection of things JARVIS called ‘tapes’, and he directed us to a machine to play them on as well. We’re trying to set it up, but it’s not going so well.”

Clint took a closer look at the boxes near their feet, blinking in surprise. “You’re trying to set up Tony’s old VCR so you can watch home videos of what’s most likely his birthdays and maybe a science fair or two?” He asked. “And Tony’s okay with this?”

“Home videos? Of Tony?” Steve glanced at the box in confusion. “That’s what you think they are?” Thor was also looking confused, which Clint blamed on both of them having missed the first home video craze.

“Well, yeah.” He defended, crossing his arms and smirking. “I mean, they’re all dated for Tony’s birthday, just with different years. What else would they be?”

Both of the big men shrugged, looking somewhat sheepish. “I haven’t a clue.” Steve admitted, while Thor nodded. “I don’t even know what they are, let alone that they’re a recording device.” He reached down and grabbed a random tape, inspecting it carefully. “Or are these just data storage? There doesn’t seem to be much of an input/output interface on here.” He flipped the protective covering up and exclaimed in delight. “It’s got a film reel built in! Oh, that’s so cool! How does the VHS project it, though? It doesn’t look like it comes out, and there’s no place for the light to come through.” He went to poke at it, and Clint dove for the tape with a shout.

Once he had his hands on it, he inspected it for damage to the tape, filling Steve in as he did so. “Where did you hear that acronym anyway? The tape is a VHS and the player is a VCR, by the way. Ask Tony how it works, I never questioned it. These are data storage. The VCR takes it off the film and transmits it to the TV and boom! Movie!”

Thor drew his brows in, obviously non-plussed. “I admit, I am confused. Do you mean the tape combusts upon being viewed? It is a one time thing? Or is that just some sort of emphasis? Friend Tony uses it often as well, yet you all still seem surprised when things blow up. Is that not what ‘boom’ means, when it is not a part of a ship?”

Clint blinked again. Neither of them were stupid, which was why it always caught him unaware when they missed references or misunderstood comments. It was just sometimes weird talking to people who had no background to understand ‘tube’ as a synecdoche for the TV or why ‘google’ was a verb (Thor said it was a number, which had made Tony laugh and lead to an involved conversation on how the All-speak actually worked). 

Luckily Steve had his back on this one. “Explosions are often used as a device in theatre, and apparently movies, to transition between two different things that are understood to be the same. The word ‘boom’, used as Clint did, actually means ‘magic happened’. In this case, it means he hasn’t a clue how the mechanics of either the TV or the VCR work, just that they do. That was why we didn’t expect Tony to actually blow up the microwave.”

Thor’s face cleared into his usual cheerful grin. “Ah! That makes much sense. I was beginning to wonder why our friend was known as such a successful weaponsmith when he had less than half success at blowing things up.”

“Don’t say that to his face.” Bruce broke in, wandering into the room. “He’ll booby-trap the whole tower if you malign his skill, and that’s not good for my peace of mind.” He grinned wryly. “I’m pretty controllable as far as straight anger goes, but surprises still get me now and then. Why are we having Tony blow things up?”

“We’re not. Cap and Thor found tapes of Tony’s early birthdays and were trying to set up the VCR to watch them.” Clint explained. Bruce nodded as if that explained everything, but it was more that by now he’d learned not to ask questions beyond the basics.

“Do you need a hand with that? Here.” He handed Clint his tea and shooed Steve from behind the TV. “I’m pretty sure I remember how to do this… Hah! That should do it!” He pulled back and shifted the flatscreen back to position. “JARVIS, power to the TV and VCR and set input, if you would.” He held out his hand to Clint, who handed over the tape. 

“If it’s a video of Tony, we should call him in while we watch it.” Natasha says, causing all the non-spies to jump slightly. “Where is he, anyway? I’d think he’d have shown up as soon as you started messing with his electronics.” She took a pointed sip of her own tea, looking at all the boys in turn.

“A board meeting, I believe he said.” Steve says, shuffling his feet. “JARVIS told him that I was looking for new trading cards for Coulson online as he was getting ready, so he swung by to suggest looking in the boxes in storage. He gave us free reign of everything in there, and neither Thor nor I had any idea what these were.” He gestured to the VCR and box of tapes. “We were trying to figure it out when people started showing up.”

“It’s just a kiddy birthday, Tasha.” Clint cajoled, handing Bruce back his tea. “They don’t understand the idea of a home video. We don’t have to watch all of it, but if we put it in for a bit I can show them the pencil thing and thoroughly explain VHS to them. You know Tony doesn’t have any other tapes in his house, and not everyone’s as technologically advanced as we are. They might need it for a mission sometime.”

“Fair enough.” She conceded, taking a seat on the couch. “Let’s see what sort of troublemaker Tony was at…” 

“Ten.” Clint filled in, flopping onto the spot next to her and gesturing for the other three to take seats too. They did, and JARVIS knew to dim the lights as the video started playing.

“It is the morning of Master Anthony’s tenth birthday, a big day for the big boy. I am currently looking for him, as he hasn’t shown up for breakfast yet even though he never sleeps this late.” A familiar voice says as the camera obviously pans a hallway full of expensive art and beautiful lamps.

“JARVIS, are you narrating?” Clint asks in surprise, glancing up at the roof even though he knew it was a pointless gesture.

“No, Agent Barton. I believe that is the voice of the late Master Stark’s butler, whom I am named for and partially modeled after.” That was news to him. Clint had never thought of where JARVIS got his personality. 

“Shh!” Natasha insisted, jabbing him with her foot. He held his hands up in surrender as the video continued to go down hallways, occasionally peering into rooms.

“Ah! Here he is, in the drawing room. Oh, and look! Master Stark is with him! Well, that certainly explains why he hasn’t come for breakfast!” The approval in the tone was obvious, despite the hushed nature of it now that he’d found his quarry. The kid on screen, who must be Tony, still noticed it. He looked up and grinned, a gleeful and sweet smile that Clint’d never seen their Tony sport. He waved, then went back to working on the little electronic thingamabob he was building on the corner of the table not covered in maps of northern Canada (recognizing countries off of half-visible maps was one of the lesser-known of his skills as a top SHIELD agent. The job wasn’t all shooting things, after all). Steve made a choking sound from the next couch over, which Clint put down to Tony’s Captain America pajamas. “It’s a nice, quiet moment between father and son. This will no doubt put Master Anthony in a wonderful mood for the rest of the… Oh, I don’t think that was supposed to happen!”

Little Tony’s project had just exploded, sending shrapnel skittering over the table. There was a tiny bit of blood beading on his one cheek, and he looked amazed. The man, who must be Howard Stark, swept junk off his papers and started gathering them up, huffing angrily. “For God’s sake, Tony, can’t you do anything without making a mess? This is why you’re not allowed where I’m working. I’m heading to my study. Go… Play with your toys or something. The party’s not till this afternoon, so just behave and try not to burn anything down in the meantime.” Tony was twisted in his seat and grinning so wide Clint winced in sympathy for his cheeks as his father collected his maps and headed off through a different door than the one the human Jarvis was standing in. As soon as the door slammed behind the older man Tony was out of his seat and running right for the camera.

 

“Jarvis! Jarvis! Did you see? Daddy talked to me! Didja see, didja see, didja see? Oh, this is the best birthday ever!” The child crowed, throwing himself bodily at the immaculately dressed man holding the camera and nuzzling into his stomach. He left a slight trail of blood on the shirt from his cheek.

“So he did, young sir. Congratulations. Now, how about we clean this cut,” One elegant hand traced the small scrape responsible for the stain, “And then you come down for breakfast? If you promise to be careful, I’ll pull down the comics for you and you can read them in the kitchen while I finish the last bit of food prep for your party.” The man ruffled Tony’s hair fondly after he nodded enthusiastically.

“Can you bake an upside-down pineapple cake for desert, too? You’re the best at them.” The child asked, much to Clint’s confusion.

“Tony hates pineapple.” Natasha muttered from next to him, her words echoed almost exactly by the man holding the camera. 

Little Tony made a face, but quickly went back to smiling. “But it’s Daddy’s favourite, and he’s more likely to stay for all of dinner if it’s for dessert. Please, Jarvis? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?”

“How about I make that and a chocolate cake for you? Your mother likes the pineapple one better too, as does Master Stane, so we can just share the chocolate between us. How does that sound?”

Little Tony just buried his face in the man’s stomach again. “You’re the greatest, Jarvis! I love you.”

“JARVIS, off!” Steve commanded, his voice harsh. Clint looked over in surprise, noting how tense his team leader seemed. The screen went black, but he wasn’t paying attention to it anymore anyway.

“Well, that explains a lot.” Bruce commented, breaking the silence with his wry voice.

Natasha nodded. “Destruction equals attention. I assumed as much when I assessed him, but it’s nice to have confirmation now and again.”

Steve turned to her, expression tortured. “You expected this? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Aye!” Thor agreed, face grave and earnest. “Our shield-brother has no doubt been gravely wounded by this callous behaviour! This is no small matter.” 

Clint couldn’t help it. He started laughing. “Seriously? Tony had an emotionally distant father, so what? I’m sure it happened in your time too, Cap, and it probably happens in Asgard. Some people just aren’t good parents, but it’s not like there’s a test you have to take so you can have a baby. Any two idiot kids who figure out sex can manage to have a baby! That,” He gestured to the screen, “Just tells us what laid the foundations for his biggest-man-in-the-room personality. Negative attention is still attention, after all.”

“If you want to feel sorry for him, you’re still seven years too early.” Bruce says, pulling off his glasses and wiping at them nonchalantly. “The tapes only go up to fifteen, so it’s likely he lost Jarvis before his parents. Stane would have been too busy running the company to coddle him, too.” He put his glasses back on, apparently happy with the cleanliness now. “Plenty of people get over distant parents. The orphaning, though, meant he never got a chance to do so. Besides, Tony’d probably turn your uniform pink in the middle of a press conference if he knew you were pitying him.”

That mental image made Clint laugh, and he heard Natasha snickering next to him. “He’d look like a pepto-bismal spokesman.” He muttered to her, and they sniggered harder.

Steve still looked pained, and Thor’s face was clouding over. “How dare you laugh at our comrade’s plight?!” He boomed, angry. “That is the lowest of cowardliness, to mock a brother’s suffering!”

Suddenly Clint was the angry one, and he cut Thor off by standing up and taking the floor by force. “No, how dare you!” He hissed, causing both blondes to stiffen. “If he hadn’t learned to make himself the most noticeable thing in the room as a child, he’d have learned it later! Classmates aren’t kind to those that are different, and he was four years younger and stupid smart! Making a spectacle of himself meant he lived sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll, not eggings, wedgies, and swirlies.” Steve’s eyes darkened, and Clint took a calculated risk based off of what was in the man’s file. “It meant he worked crowds like you see him doing now at a young age instead of facing what you did at a younger age and without a loving mother and best friend to help him through! Even worse than you, since it would have been personal over him being smarter while you were just an easy target!”

His anger drained as quick as it came, and he sunk back into the couch. Bruce took up the thread for him. “He’d hate it if you pitied him. You know this. If it bothers the two of you so much, just make sure you give him positive reinforcement now. Talk to him before he has to say something inflammatory to get your attention. Compliment his tech. Say ‘congrats on your high score’ not ‘you cheater, you hacked the x-box to beat me, didn’t you?’”

“That one was me.” Clint interrupted. “I regret nothing. I am a god at Rock Band.”

“Don’t care.” Bruce sang back before continuing his lecture towards the other two. “If you’re bothered because you feel guilty, it’s especially important you don’t bring it up. Tony doesn’t need to stumble under your cross, he has his own.”

“Guilty?” Steve asks, voice confused and blue eyes guileless. Natasha smacked her forehead while Thor looked away.

“Thor might feel guilty because lack of positive attention and a similar disregard for magical skill may be part of why Loki’s evil.” Natasha explained, sounding irritated. “As for you, those maps were of Canada’s northern islands. Why do you think Howard Stark was poking around in the Arctic Ocean? I assure you, he was not trying to save the polar bears.” Steve was looking absolutely shattered now, and Clint huffed out a heavy sigh.

“Look,” He broke in, pulling everyone’s attention back to him, “Thor, despite his strength and skill, was not really a hero when I first saw him, despite who I was rooting for. That didn’t happen until the destroyer showed up. It’s like stress-testing metal: You don’t know what it’ll withstand until you do. Tony’s childhood tempering is what made him strong enough to be the man we know and fight beside today, the one who survived Afghanistan, Monte Carlo, and palladium poisoning. Without it, there are any number of places where his story could have come to a very different ending. And I do mean ending. Thor, follow your philosophy and praise him for climbing the mountain, don’t curse others that it happened to be there. Steve, trust in your God and your faith, and that everything happens for a reason. It’s in the past. It’s done. There is nothing you can do. Bruce, Natasha, and I, on the other hand, are also going to drop this discussion right now before it turns into a ‘worst childhood’ competition, because Tony’s parents do not win. Instead, we are going to get popcorn and shots and start a drinking game over how often Tony blows things up in these videos. Then, when he gets home, we will catch him up to our drunkenness and take apart the VCR for SCIENCE! You are welcome to join us if you want.” He stood up again and headed for the kitchen.

“I vote vodka!” Natasha’s voice called after him.

“Ugh, with peppermint tea?! Do you even have any tastebuds?” Bruce complained. “We want peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup chasers.”

“Schnapps is for wusses.” Natasha grouched. “How about…” 

“Nah nah nah, not listening!” Clint called back. “We’re not actually a frat, show some class! Tony has way awesome whiskey. Since I’m fetching, I get veto. So there!”


End file.
